Ask A Guy - Do Men Fake Orgasms??
July 29, 2008 by J (Preston)
Filed under Ask A Guy, Relationships | 932 views
Q: Do men fake orgasms?
A: Yup. We sure do…
Thanks for the questions! Keep ‘em coming!
Oh…you want to know why? Alright, I’ll break it down for you:
I don’t feel like using clinical terms, so we’re gonna get a little raunchy. If that’s not your steez, now would be a good time for you to click another link.
Here we go:
After a guy busts a nut, a little recuperation time is needed (sometimes he needs til morning). But most guys can usually take a break and then get it crackin again. The gifted few *brushes dirt off shoulder* can keep their stroke going while they are recharging.
But ladies, you knew this…
Here’s what you may not have known: Each nut after the first is a little tougher/trickier to get. The second bust is fairly common. It’s also usually the showstopper. After that second nut, there’s a wonderful relaxing…kinda empty feeling that washes over us (that’s why we usually ask you for a sandwich. We NEED that shit). But every now and then, we go for that illustrious third orgasm. It is the toughest to achieve, but if we feel even an inkling that says we can pull it off, we dive right back into…ummmm…you.
And that’s when it happens:
After a few minutes we realize…it ain’t happenin. Mr. Happy might be staying up and doing his job, but after each nut the sensitivity of our dick changes and it often times has nothing to do with you. It just ain’t happening. Meanwhile, there you are—our girlfriend or just our lady for the evening—riding, keeping the knees up, or backing that thang up. I mean you are doing your damn duty! And still…
It ain’t happenin…
So what do we do now?
Just stop? Pull out and tell you the truth? In that moment would you even believe us? Would you not wonder just a little bit if it’s your fault? I don’t want that insecurity creepin in. I want you to just keep throwing that thing around with reckless abandon!
So what do we do……We fake an orgasm.
Everyone is happy. We get a sandwich (please). And we both go to sleep. And that’s why we do it.
AND…
That’s also why women shouldn’t do it!! You see, we fake it very rarely and it’s only because you were feeling so lovely that we thought we could go overboard in search of that 3rd or 4th nut. We do it because your shit was good! Women do it cause shit AIN’T good!!
Women, you deserve to get pleased! You deserve your nut as much as we do. And if you ain’t gettin it, don’t fake it!
Show that fool!
Teach that fool!
If need be…grab one of your toys or use your hands…to HELP that fool.
But don’t fake it…Because then you’re only cheating yourself. And there’s no need to…
I’ll be a fool for you…
–Preston
Gotta question you’d like answered…ASK THE FELLAS
Note: Check out the NEW “Dear You” site. You’ll thank me…
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since this site’s been accused of being sexist already, the cheese eating surrender monkey will be the first to call it homophobic. what about gay males faking it? every now and then dude’s poop shoot is a little too loose to squeeze out your juice, so you have to jerk violently a couple times and fall off his back while making sure he doesn’t realize you’re still packing. then you go into the shower to rinse off the feces and stroke your pole while dreaming of dick cheney’s pinhole tight turd nugget.
aloha
Wowwwww. You’re a special dude Surrender Monkey! I love it. That guy who called us racist and sexist never even came back to “rumble”…lol…blog style!!
Technically, men dont fake the first orgasm, just any that proceed? I can understand that.
Ok, what the ever loving fuck cheesemonkey?? None of the writers on this site smoke pole so we can’t comment on any experience like that. While your diversity won’t be discouraged from the site….that was pretty nasty. That being said…thanks for the comment!
Ahhhhhh! I love it! This is the SECOND “why men fake it” blog post this week. Apparently there’s an elusive third but due to that guy’s avatar I can’t bring myself to go over there and read it!
Here’s the thing. I’m getting OLD. LOL! I can’t be teaching folks – unless I’m in a rare cougar and cub love type relationship. Then I’m willing to school, because the dear lad doesn’t know any better. But grown ass men, not knowing what to do? I’m not faking it, nor am I teaching you. I’m giving you enough to work it (more than enough *brushes dirt off MY shoulder*), so if you can’t coordinate and work it out – I’m mad at you. And you will know I’m not pleased. And you get NO sandwich (damn a sandwich, for the right man I’ve been known to get up and whip up an entire meal).
I <3 Preston
An entire meal you say…yeah…we’re SO getting some sushi. lol…
I hear you though…nobody wants to have to break out the text books every time you’re ready to have some fun with your partner. I think guys in there mid-twenties and up can usually do their thing. From a time-frame stand point you need that college-type sexual experience and then a little real world sexual experience.
And you ain’t old girl…
I’m sorry…………would it be possible for someone to explain to me - anatomically speaking - where the 3rd and 4th nuts are located? Is it possible that these two jokers are actually what takes the place of a male’s brain? Wowzers! If that’s true, it puts a whole new spin on the cliche’ that men think with the wrong head - I’M LAUGHING MY ASS OFF!!!!!
Peace - The NutFinder
Loved every word!!! Very good…
Preston, seriously. Great answer. Hilarious, but truthful too. It’s like, someone understands me . . . sniff, sniff.