Truth Merchants

Seymour Monet 1 July 2008 Pop Culture 133 views One Comment Print This Post  Email This Post

OK, so it’s NBA draft time again….and I love it!  Can’t you just smell the crisp 20’s and lube wafting from the strip clubs in Chicago and Miami right now?  The thought of 18-20 yr. old instant multi-millionaires gets me giddy (nullus)!  It’s hard to fathom the amount of revenue generated solely from these young’ns putting pen to paper on their first contracts.  My advice to you people: Invest in platinum and tattoo ink right now!

See, the draft gets me hype for reasons other than the ramifications it will have on the court.  (Don’t get me wrong though…I loooove basketball)  It’s just that it’s the time of year when the air rings with words like “cash considerations” and “guaranteed money.”  Hell, the number one pick is guaranteed $10 milli over the next two years!

Wait for it…

Wait for it!

Does anyone else have a chubby right now?  You take all that money and combine it with the fact that Derrick Rose is from Chicago and he’s going to be hotter than 8 fat people stuck in an elevator slap boxing!  A 19 year old Beasley in South Beach?!?  Please!  A few “dancers” are about to change tax brackets!  Shit from looking at some of these suits I see some tailors have caked up as well.  You know the money is flowing when an Italian dude already has a shoe!  I seriously doubt anyone in New York is going to rock a shoe called “The Rooster” though.  They should give me an endorsement deal!  Call ‘em “Walking on Monet!”  Put images of $100 bills on the bottom!  Ah, I kill me.  I digress.

All I’m really saying is that it’s amazing and disgusting at the same time how much money these guys are making.  Just 5 years ago the average player salary for the entire league was $4,917,000 and now the number one rookie is making that coming in!  People always bitch and moan about how young these guys are in the league now.  I’m sure these same people would be just as upset if their 19 or 20 year old came into four mil in one year.  To quote the man that I firmly believe wipes his ass with money, Warren Buffet:

Of the billionaires I have known, money just brings out the basic traits in them. If they were jerks before they had money, they are simply jerks with a billion dollars.

Fiscally yours,

Seymour Monet