Truth Merchants

I.M. Haight 19 September 2008 Monthly Awards 199 views 5 Comments Print This Post  Email This Post

I hand out this award each month to one ornery individual who shows me his/her continued focused anger over one month’s period.  August was a problem though.  Not for lack of nominees mind you.  You had McCain and his nah nanny boo boo pick of Palin.  DMX for general lifetime achievement.  It was due to lack of focus.  My chi wasn’t centered.  There was a disturbance in the force.  My mojo was off.  Something, something just aint right.  I couldn’t put my finger on it until I realized that I was angry. (well angrier than usual).  There was so much rampant fuckery abound recently, it was hard for me to see past it.  I said to myself, “self, tell ‘em why you mad!!“  Then the light bulb switched on.  Mr. Icabod Maceo Haight is the only deserving recipient of the Morton’s Make it Rain Award for the saltiest person of the month.

So, I’m going to tell you why I’m mad son!

(stepping on my soap box)

Heeeere we go.  Once upon a time not long ago when  people wore pajamas and lived life slow…  Sorry, I’m an old hip-hop head and couldn’t resist.

(officially stepping on my soap box)

First, I loved the Olympics but I’m still pissed at “No Blacks and Mongols”.  How did we get lumped in with Ghengis Khan?  I’m saying!

It has been mentioned before, but needs mentioning again.  Why in the hell do dudes today feel the need to show their ass literally and figuratively?  Pull them damn pants up!  If you think about it fellas, this style defies a basic black male need.   Food, water, and the ability to haul ass at any moments notice in case some shit pop off!  You can’t tell me that you are running anywhere when you are waddling right now.   Just stop it.

While I’m at it these damn tight pistol leg jeans I see everywhere are the worst.  A man saying he has on “skinny” jeans is like calling another man Delicious.  It just aint right!  And I hate it when people just slap a new name on some shit and call it a Nutty Buddy.  Tight jeans are tight jeans.  Calling jeans skinny doesn’t even sound right.

This is random but damn sure pisses me off.  How in the hell are you going to go from being the new Omar on The Wire to being adopted by a white family on 90210?  I understand you don’t want to be typecast but damn!

With football season in the air naturally all men puff their chests and talk about “their” team.  You’ve heard it.  “We’ve got a chance this year!”  “We crushed yall last game!”  Excuse me what?  Do you have a W-2, a playbook, or anything showing some affiliation with the team?  Exactly!  Stop saying “we” like you go to board meetings.  I understand if you’re talking about your alma mater.  I’ll give you that.  Other than that be a fan and not The Fan.

Why in the hell don’t bike riders feel like they have to obey the rules of the road?  I don’t know what was going on around my neck of the woods last month but I ran into more Armstrong wanna be, fake Tour de nothing racing, helmet look like the spaceship from Flight of the Navigator wearing….woo sah.  Let me move on before my blood pressure goes up.

(Flight of the Navigator)

As I mentioned earlier, McCain tried to make a splash last month.  Pissing me off all the while.  The day after Obama’s speech you pull a “hey look at me!  I picked a woman!”  Come on man for real?  I won’t start on any tirade on Sarah Palin (yet) but McCain’s timing was a bitch move plain and simple.

Not to sound cold but why are we giving a billion dollars to Georgia when there are over half a millon homeless in the US?  (And over 30,000 newly homeless in Texas)

There are tons of places on the web where men are getting bashed right now.  I won’t argue that it isn’t deserved.  What pisses me off is the lack of recognition when a real man is in your face ladies  Yeah I said it!.  Where is my motivation?  Preston touched on maturing and wanting more out of a woman and I say Amen.  You do know you can look sexy without your ass hanging out right?  Umm, you’re aware that if you are interesting enough I will offer to buy you a drink, you don’t have to ask.  You do know that you can offer to pay every once in a while.  I might not let you but that would  still feel great.  I’m not God’s gift to women by any means but I’m light years ahead of Leon in Waiting to Exhale so I’m good!

And don’t get me started on the younger generation!  Breakups on Facebook, this whole tight/baggy phenomena,, every dude is thuggin or borderline choreographing, Souljah Boy (enough said right there really) and his f’ing dance (sorry not a fan of line dancing), shit just the general taste in music now.

Speaking of.  I’m so hood and I got money because I’m out here grinding to get put on for a milli so she can give me the business cuz she got it and she can have whatever she likes so here I am you better get like me.

Trash it all!

(Editor’s Note: 7 of those songs mentioned in that run on sentence are on Billboards Hot Rap Tracks)

I will admit that some of these songs are actually ok but they all follow a blueprint.  I love that hip-hop artists are making money now but hate that my favorite genre of music has become strictly business.

Believe me when I say I’m not done by any means.  I’m just cutting this short to allow you to add some things that pissed you off.  Get it off your chest, you’ll feel better.  I know I damn sure do.  I actually missed you guys.  So let me hear it!  Hi Haighta!