Global Grind
Home | The Merchants | Contact Us
Home » Featured

I Do…….Not

User ImageTobias Hustleman 13 October 2008 Featured 462 views 12 CommentsPrint This Post Print This Post Email This Post Email This Post

Marriage is a busted institution and the only good thing about them are wedding receptions. That is unless you have friends like mine who like to make theirs dry, and that, my friends, is another story for another day.

Jokes aside, I am not a fan of marriage. It could be that I’ve never seen a proper functioning marriage as a kid. My parents divorced when I was 11 or 12. All of my mom’s brothers and sisters are divorced. Pop’s brothers are divorced but his sisters are married. Moving back a generation, the maternal grandparents were married until my grandfather’s death, but there was some philandering there (It wasn’t gramps either). Pop’s parents were divorced because gramps there was abusive. (On a side note, I wouldn’t tangle with that dude. He was one of those country, strong black dudes that could probably eat nails if he got hungry enough.)

My question is why is marriage the ultimate stamp of commitment? I get the legal protections it gives families in cases of death etc., but to me, it seems people get married and stay in bad relationships just because of the title. Don’t get me wrong. There are good marriages out there, but I couldn’t tell you why so many fail and while some have the formula. If you love someone and say that they’re the one you want to be with, is marriage really necessary? Check out the statistics on marriage. I am a gambler and even those odds look bad to me. Another reason I don’t like marriage…have you seen the laws for divorce in California? A spouse could take you to the cleaners if that pre-nup isn’t airtight. If lightning strikes and I win the lottery, my marriage will be in Mexico.

Perhaps my issues with marriage stem from reservations with commitment. It could be my lack of exposure to good marriages. Some girls I’ve met like to say it’s a maturity thing. Once I meet the right one, I’ll just give up my lonely, bachelor lifestyle…

The book of Clooney says, “Yeah, O.k.”

I could go on and on about the pros and cons of marriage, but I wanted to introduce my “Marriage for the New Millenium” proposal. Being that I am a sports fan, I feel that we should handle marriage like sports contracts.

We’ll go with the NBA model.

We’ll sign to be married for three years and if it doesn’t work, there are two unrestricted free agents on the market. If one or the other is well off, then the rookie cap will kick in and neither will be due half of anything in the event of one or the other selecting free agency. If things do workout, then a long term contract can be negotiated for full cap dollars. Signing bonuses can be negotiable pending the clearance of waivers (i.e. old boyfriends, girlfriends and splackavellies). I’d also like for my long term deal to be incentive laden. Perks would be given for good sex, strong, healthy children, and good stats in important categories (low nagging, cool in-laws, nice feet). Yes, feet are dealbreakers. I would terminate a contract over the Wrath of Khan.

That was ridiculous really. I wouldn’t actually propose such ridiculousness. Who’s to say I won’t get married one day? I may gray up with my hot lil mama and life will be peachy…

George and Louise Jefferson-style.

It’s going to take a strong one to make me a believer though.

One day we’ll see…but not yet.

T. Hustle

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading ... Loading ...
Your Ad Here

12 Comments »

  1. Wow. I for one hate hearing men say that same ol’ thing “Marriage is just about the title. We know we love each other. We don’t need to be married to prove that.” SMH…

    For me it’s like the ultimate committment. Yeah we love each other and we don’t need marriage to consummate that but what’s wrong with being TOTALLY committed? People get married because they are making a lifelong committment before God to their person of choice. And marriage does have it’s benefits…as you stated. It’s simple for me. We love each other, we know that we don’t want to be with anyone else. We want to grow old together and raise children and grandchildren together…why not reap the benefits of being married. Don’t get me wrong…marriage doesn’t make your relation valid or “more serious” in anyway way.

    I also have to agree with you when you said that “it seems people get married and stay in bad relationships just because of the title.”

    I do see that a lot. I think people are afraid of failing. It turned out to be a big mistake and no one wants to admit that so they stay in these situations with the hope that it’ll get better. But I see that in boyfriend/girlfriend situations as well. After investing so much into the relationship the last thing you want to do is see it fail. So you stay at it hoping it’ll get better. It’s sad but it’s the truth.

    Your marriage contract is hilarious! LOL Marriage would be looked at differently if they had to go by that contract.

    And I think your outlook on marriage has to do with your lack of positive examples. You’re not alone though. There are tons of people that feel the same way based on what they see going on around them. There’s still hope for you though…i guess. LOL

    Whew…*wipes forehead* that was a lot!

    //no imageloveliesandmusic (Who am I?)
    13 October 2008 at 7:07 am

  2. I am, quite probably, a rarity among my gender. The thought of marriage has always made me break out in hives. I have dug my heels into the mud on my way to the altar. And my dread isn’t due to a lack of successful marriages in my youth. My mom has been married for over two decades, and both sets of my grandparents hit the 50 year mark. Marriage just seems so…permanent!

    I’m not afraid of commitment, but I am leery of contracts. And essentially, that’s what it is. A contract. It’s proprietary. You now belong to me, and I you. For better or worse. Forever. I may not like you in two years, and my mom’s Catholic. She’s not going to let me divorce, and in this economy, we could not afford to divorce. And then I have to wear this shackle on my finger. I don’t really care how you pretty the band up, it is still a form of branding.

    I work in the financial market, and I can’t think of one contract that isn’t renewable. Even Acts enacted by Congress have expiration dates. Why must marriage last forever? Every few years, it should be renewable, and if you’re still in your “happily-ever-after”, resign the papers. If not, thank each other for the opportunity and bow out gracefully.

    //no imageReina (Who am I?)
    13 October 2008 at 8:35 am

  3. Hmmmmmm…

    Honestly, my opinions on marriage change every other day and with every girl I meet. On Monday I can be a fervent supporter of LL&M’s position and on Wednesday Reina/Toby’s…

    I leave this to better minds than my own… Nice post Hustle…

    //no imagePreston Swagger (Who am I?)
    13 October 2008 at 10:10 am

  4. “My question is why is marriage the ultimate stamp of commitment? I get the legal protections….”

    See you just answered ya own question: LEGAL PROTECTION. That’s it. You ever watch them court cases where some man is made to look like a user to a woman who was spending money on gifts and such. It breaks my heart when the guy is standing there saying how he gave just as good as he got. But, the man ends up having to pay hundreds or thousands back to the woman while he doesn’t get any compensation for the things he’d done in the relationship.

    WHY?

    Cuz that heffa kept every damn receipt from the day she met that poor bastard. She got that shit itemized, computerized, digitized, and ready-for-courtized. If you dating a woman, I tell you right now she got one of those big interoffice envelopes with all the paperwork and evidence somewhere under her bed or in a safe behind that painting. Chances are she got a file labeled NiggerBettaMarryMe.mny (Microsoft Money) on her computer too.

    If you been wit ya girl for 6 months, ask her how long yall been together. She gon say, “1536″. You won’t even know where the fuck that number popped out from. She’ll correct herself once you pull the Scooby Doo.. “RAGGY RUH?” You was thinkin 6 months, 180 days would have been an acceptable answer as well. I’m gon tell you 1536 is exactly how much you owe her if yall don’t get married. And everyone woman has their number which under 5000, the small claims max of course. Some women have 1500, 2000, or higher. But, if you don’t propose by the time she’s spent that much money on you, expect yourself in court.

    But, see.. once you get married. She can toss that shit. After the papers is signed and the “I do” is said, she thinkin she got a legal binding contract for HALF yo shit. She’s good now. She’s happy. She ain’t checkin you for shit no more.

    Back in the day, when it was cool to be one under God, you just hop over a broom, or even before that, you just grab her ass up and take her the old Shaka Zulu spine straightener, you didn’t have to worry about any legally binding contracts. You date a woman, it didn’t work out, you moved on. Peace. Now, women feel all empowered and shit with the legal system. And very few men figure out to keep their receipts too or at least keep that organized.

    That’s my 2

    //no imageAnthony Taurus (Who am I?)
    13 October 2008 at 10:13 am

  5. Hmm…I ahve to say that I was engaged for 9 months to a guy and I was excited and ready to be a wife/stepmother/mother…

    Then my engagement crashed and burned and I started rethinking the institution of marriage. Its called a damn INSTITUTION! When I hear that, I think “Dept of Corrections”, lockdown and shackles (now) instantly. I also have not been privy to many ‘good’ marriages in my personal life (I was maid of honor in my best friends wedding this past February…her and he husband are now going through a divorce as we speak) and my parents were never married. My mom has been living with her current boyfriend almost 13 years and they aren’t anywhere close to tying the not. For so many people to be so against it and for marriage to fail for so many people on so many levels (the divorce rate is what again? like 51-52% pass/fail? No thanks) then it must not be as great and rosy and people like to make you believe.

    This is also coming from a person who now believes dating of ANY KIND is ridiculous and assinine and that marriage is equal to death by firing squad. If you want to get married, do it. But if and when it doesn’t work out, then I can’t wait to see how you talk about your ‘married life experience’ after the fact.

    //no imageChelsea...Not the Girl Next Door (Who am I?)
    13 October 2008 at 11:10 am

  6. I like the idea of being married for what it represents. Love, stability, and long-term commitment. When you take vows you are officially saying to your man or woman that I got you for life. But I also believe that its not for everyone. You have to know yourself to be able to commit to another person for life. I tell my bf all the time, if your not looking to stay forever don’t even bother taking a knee.

    //no imageshespeakz (Who am I?)
    13 October 2008 at 3:11 pm

  7. I mean, who put the empty jug of RED KoolAid back in the fridge? LOL
    SALTY!!!!!!!!!!

    Give me that covenant agreement! Not because of what I’m looking to get out of you if and when we don’t work out - give me that b/c that lets me know that you are in this for the long run and you’re really serious about actually WORKING to make this relationship last for a lifetime. I won’t even get on the spiritual aspect - that’s what really helps you see things on a different level…..things are really beyond what we see with our natural eye - we just won’t let ourselves go enough to not try and control our lives and make it what we think it ought to be.

    I’m not your typical chick, so I believe I’m worth that!

    Damn Tobias, I hope you will be ready to receive that chick who will help you realize all women aren’t trying to rape you of anything - we’re still out there! Marriage is really a good thing, but it’s all up to the two individuals who are willing to put in the work.

    //no imageSILKIE TRICKZ (Who am I?)
    13 October 2008 at 3:36 pm

  8. Yes…marriage is work. Too often people marry with the thought (like your contract) that if this doesn’t work out I can bail. That doesn’t fly. Marriage is about being there FOR LIFE! Period. Enjoying the good, and working through the bad. Relationships ebb and you have to be prepared for that.

    Now if you don’t want to sign up for that, then don’t. But realize what you’re getting into before vows are exchanged.

    //no imageKiki (Who am I?)
    13 October 2008 at 4:03 pm

  9. First, I don’t think enough people take marriage seriously. It’s for better or for worse and knowing that people need to go into it understanding that. Now that’s out the way, marriage is the ultimate relationship status because do you really want to call the person you’ve been dating for some 10 years your boyfriend or girlfriend? How juvenile is that? LOL but nah, I can’t really say why it’s like that but it is something that doesn’t need to be taken lightly. And I loved the NBA contract…lol

    //no imageBahama (Who am I?)
    13 October 2008 at 8:51 pm

  10. Well, I’d like to say that I’m not completely against marriage. It’s a 99% thing which allows me just the slightest bit of wiggle room. I just don’t believe marriage should be what stamps the relationship as a lifelong commitment. It doesn’t take a legal ceremony for a person to say that they’d ride for their friends. Why does it validate a relationship for your significant other? Sure the rules are different but the principle isn’t all too different.

    Of course, I am a leftfielder when it comes to some life philosophies.

    //no imageTobias Hustleman (Who am I?) (author)
    13 October 2008 at 8:58 pm

  11. There is so much to say on the topic of marriage…

    1) Too each his/her own, if you want to get married fine, if you don’t fine, just realize your significant other has the right to have a different opinion from you.

    2)As someone else mentioned, most people don’t take it seriously. Some people don’t put anymore thought into marriage than having a one night stand. Make sure both people have the similar expectations of their married life together and are mature enough to work on issues.

    3)I believe if at all possible, children should be raised in a healthy home with their committed parents…i.e. married parents. Hey, I know that is not popular at all…hows about people really get to know each other and be completely committed (i.e get married) before BRINGING A CHILD INTO THE WORLD! I know, I know, it is a very radical, out-of-the-box idea.

    //no imageChocolate Chiq (Who am I?)
    14 October 2008 at 1:52 pm

  12. One other thing, I had an epiphany a couple of years ago.

    I’ve always thought marriage was a “good” thing. Even though marriage is a challenge, as long a there was alot of preparation BEFORE the marriage (as I mentioned in the above post) and the persons getting married were mature and ready, then it is great.

    I was not excited about it or hated the idea, I was just kinda neutral. I didn’t feel there was a good reason FOR ME to get married. My relationships were satisfying to me and didn’t see the need for anything more.

    So anyway, I had this epiphany a couple of years ago: People should only get married when BOTH persons feel/agree that the OTHER person’s needs are just as important and sometimes MORE important than their own personal needs.

    In other words, it can’t be all about ME. Short of marriage, my main and top concern is ME…while a SO is very, very important, I always come first. My wants, my needs, my considerations, my plans for the future…what I want takes top priority.

    The only way I will truly weigh someone else’s needs as important as my own is if I were married to them. (Side note: one other thing would cause me to put other needs above my own: CHILDREN).

    //no imageChocolate Chiq (Who am I?)
    14 October 2008 at 2:11 pm

Have your say!

Add your comment below, or trackback from your own site. You can also subscribe to these comments via RSS.

Be nice. Keep it clean. Stay on topic. No spam.

You can use these tags:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>