Men And The Platonic Friend

Last week we explored how many women have women friends — and tried to figure out why so many women opt for male friends.  So this week let’s take a look at those male friends.  Specifically, how many of them are really friends.  As opposed to guys who are “waiting in the wings” or are waiting for their opportunity to exit the friend zone. Can you really be a “true” friend if you only settled for the job?  You tried to get her…didn’t…and accepted the friend position.  Does that make you less of a friend?  Not a friend at all?

Can men actually have platonic friends?  No ulterior motives?  No trying to get the panties….EVER?  Fellas…how many female friends do you have, that you’ve NEVER kissed…NEVER slept with…and most importantly….NEVER tried to?

Full Disclosure: I have two fully platonic female friends.  We are just absolutely NOT each other’s type and that was readily apparent from the beginning.  But we made great friends and so that is what we remained.  Also, I met both of these friends because I was sleeping with their roommate at the time…

……….WHAT????

–Preston

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Is Cocky Bad?

I know what you’re thinking. A new year has come, a new President has been sworn in but you haven’t heard anything new from your money man Monet. Que? Well I’ve been trying to come with something hot and come up with nothing. Then I thought, “Anything I do is hot!” Then I thought, “Ok, so I’m a cocky son of a bitch.” Then I thought, “Why am I and how in the hell did I get cocky?” Then I thought, “What the fuck man…you’re not in an episode of Scrubs so stop talking to yourself!” After I stopped laughing, I realized that I had something to write about.

How does one become cocky and once you are; is it that bad?

The main reason this really intrigued me to write is that–I don’t know. Usually I weigh the factors, make a stance and stick with it. With this though, I’m not so sure. Is being cocky innate? Confidence can be learned or feigned but cocky seems to be to the bone. (That sounded dirty) So, I don’t know. Confidence is a must have in our society, especially for men. However, being cocky is looked down upon and blamed for a lot of inter-personal strife. When I can’t answer something, it intrigues me and I have to talk about it and ask others. So, this post is basically one big question and me trying to formulate my answer. Let’s see if I come up with one.

First I had to clarify a few things. I mean cocky is so subjective right? Since it carries a negative connotation, for years I would say I was confident and not cocky. But what was I really saying? Haight’s old buddy Webster defines cocky as:

1. Boldly or brashly self-confident

2. Jaunty

After I stopped laughing at the word, I had to look it up as well. Among other things, jaunty means: stylish, genteel, or lively in manner or appearance. Ok, I’ll buy that. So, if I’m cocky that means I’m not just confident, I’m very confident and/or I look good.

Check.

Doesn’t seem so negative now. I also know for a fact that people are attracted to and gravitate towards people that are a little cocky. Sure the words coming out of your mouth say you hate cocky guys, my dear. But who do you find yourself chatting it up with at the bar? The guy staring down into his beer or the guy who walks up to you and strikes up a conversation without asking permission first? (See: How To Talk To Pretty Women)

I’ve always been a nurture over nature guy but some people seem to be born extra confident. You always hear “it” or “swag” (I hate that word) (Note from Preston: hater!) defined as something people just “have.” Meaning it can’t be faked or learned right? So, is being cocky something you’re born with? From birth boys are taught to be strong, stand up for yourself, and be confident. So, is it a byproduct of the way males are raised in our society? If so, then how do we explain cocky women? Because there are some cocky women out there! Don’t think I’m going to let you escape on this one, ladies. I’ll admit that I’m no closer to an answer for this part of the question than when I began writing. It is something to think about though. To say that you can be born with it, would also say that there are some cocky kindergartners running around. To say that you learn or grow to be cocky, would also be saying that anyone can be cocky if they want. Two things I’m not sure that I buy.

I know people take things to far and venture into the realm of arrogance. Granted. Lebron=cocky. Kobe=arrogant. Randy Moss=cocky Terrell Owens=arrogant. I get it. Those cases shouldn’t automatically brand every other person on the planet who just believes in themselves and their abilities…a lot! The line is fine between all three distinctions. Confident, cocky and arrogant are all cousins. But I, for one, don’t think being cocky is that bad. I believe in today’s world you have to be a little cocky to keep your head up. On the subject of being born cocky, I don’t know. I’m still on the fence with that one. What do you think? Maybe somebody out there can change my mind.

Seymour Monet

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The Arrangement

O.K. so your boy still has a lot to learn about the real world. I know there are cultures that still practice arranged marriages. For whatever their reasons whether it’s ethnic purity, religious tradition or just a cultural practice, they do still exist. An article over at ezinearticles.com talks about how divorce rates are lower in arranged marriages than free will “love” marriages. Conversely it does go on to talk about how divorce may be forbidden so the comparison is somewhat skewed.

To provide a firmer foundation, I am the same guy who wrote an article about marriage simply being a title. In fairness to those who make marriage work and are married for the right reason, Senor Hustle applauds thee. One of my good friend’s parents have a marriage after which marriages can be modeled. It’s actually a pretty cool thing to see.

On a side note, I found myself deep in thought during the last election when pondering “Yea” or “Nay” on Prop 8.  Should I vote to ban gay marriage??? HMMM…ummmm….HHHHMMMM….UUUMMM…I don’t care if a man and a woman get married so why should I care if two dudes or two lesbians want to be unhappy together?

That was a slouch comment but my train of thought was along those lines.

What does this have to do with the price of pork during a recession? Not sure…

But, there was an interesting story recently and you may have heard about it. A man sold his daughter into marriage for beer, meat, and cash.

Wait, what?

In Greenfield, CA, a man sold his 14 year old daughter into marriage (to an 18 year old) for $16000, 150 cases of beer, 150 cases of soda and Gatorade, and several cases of wine and meat.

Now…let that marinate. (The terms for the deal…not the meat.)

At first, my senses were offended because I thought it was some rodeo clown trying to come up on very immoral means. After further research, I found that it is socially acceptable in Oaxaca, Mexico and more specifically within the Triqui culture. The Triqui by the way are an indigenous people in Oaxaca, Mexico which means this custom is probably older than your grandmother.  The girl did this willingly. I checked the article “Marriage Deal Called Culture Clash” by  Larry Parsons and if the young girl objects, the deal is off.

This raises a whole new set of questions.

Does a culture have to assimilate to the customs of the countries to which they migrate?
If the answer is no, how can you hold someone accountable for laws they didn’t know they were breaking?
If the answer is yes to assimilation, where do you draw the line on how much you have to change?

O.k. I am not saying I agree with selling 14 year olds into marriage and this article isn’t me justifying it. If you go read the comments on the different sites about this topic you will find out just how far left and how far right people are. You get mostly comments about America and some talk about how this compares to Prop 8 and the sanctity of marriage.

My stance would be in favor of the safety of the child.

But that begs the question: was she ever in danger?  This is why the law was put into place. There again, I feel like she should have a choice, but that could be my way of forcing my culture on to her and subsequently her culture.

I have to say that I am no more in the know now than before writing this thing. I do know that I have a lot to learn about people everywhere.

–Tobias

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Friday Poll - Why Can’t We Be Friends?

I distinctly remember it.  I was in 7th grade the first time I heard a girl say it.

“I have more guy friends than girl friends”

I thought it was a fad.  I mean MC Lyte’s “Gotta Get A Roughneck” was a hit at the time.  Like that song, I figured, “how long could this last?”.  Turns out…  It can last a while.  Why is it that it’s so hard for women to be friends?  Why are you gals so hard on each other?  As always, please expound in the comments and ladies — jump on the poll!

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Sex Offender Wins Lottery To Help Sex Offenders — Hell Subsequently Freezes

Sex offender wins Alaska charity jackpot

(CNN) — An Alaska lottery held to raise money for a group that helps sexual abuse victims had a surprise winner: a convicted sex offender.

Alec Ahsoak — who was convicted in 1993 and 2000 for sexual abuse of a minor, according to the state sex offender registry — came forward Saturday with the winning ticket for the $500,000 Lucky Time Pull Tabs jackpot. Proceeds were to help Standing Together Against Rape in Anchorage, a nonprofit group that offers support to sexual assault victims.

“It’s not how we had envisioned the story going,” Nancy Haag, the group’s executive director, told CNN.

Efforts to reach Ahsoak’s attorney for comment were unsuccessful Monday. Alaska has the highest per capita number of rape cases in the United States, according to FBI statistics.

————————————————–

Please do not take this as me joking sexual abuse because I am not. It is one if not the most sickening and immoral crimes that can be committed.  What kind of ass clown would buy a ticket to a cause against rape to support sexual abuse victions when he himself is a convicted sex offender?  And why by a raffle ticket?!?!  If you want to support the cause, wouldn’t an anonymous donation be better.  And if you are the aforementioned as clown and you somehow got the winning ticket…wouldn’t you slip that ticket to your boy or something — have him pick up the check?

Accept my sincerest apologies for the lack of taste on that last line but he should be made to donate his winnings. There is a lot of cross bearing he’d have to do get that money in my book. Of course, I have been taught not to judge but I can’t really let someone get down like this. I have little sisters and a mom. Ish just isn’t right.

And what’s up with that rape statistic in Alaska?  I found a graph that illustrates the highest sex offenders by state. It is sad and isn’t a good reflection on “small town values” as a lot of the states are not highly populated. Being that sociology was not my forte in college, my insights to the matter would be novice and uninformed at best. There could be a million reasons why these states are higher, but I couldn’t give you one off the dome that didn’t seem condescending.

If you get a chance, let me know your thoughts.

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Morton’s Make It Rain Award - January

Merry New Year to you all. Yeah, I’m a little late but so what. I hope we all know by now that pleasantries and courtesies are not my forte. Since there are four of us here to entertain you good folks, from time to time somebody might have to step away to work on another project. Well, cry no more. Mr. Haight is back! And what better way to return than to hand out my first award for 2009? Actually this award might as well be for all of 2008 and maybe a little longer. Without further ado, I would like to present former President George W. Bush with the first Morton’s Make it Rain Award for the saltiest person of the month, year, last decade!

I have refrained from putting any “my President is black” (I hate that song btw) status updates on facebook or any where else for that matter. Not that I don’t feel a sense of pride because I most certainly do. I simply know that although we do have a Black President, ultimately his legacy will be decided by his term in office. As will Bush be judged by his eight years. This is what most Presidents and other people of power are concerned with. Their legacy, their history. And Bush’s is fucked up! What makes it even worse is that he knows it, and probably knew it some time ago. Granted he will still be rich and a Bush, but he will always be remembered as arguably the worst President ever.

Ever!

Lame duck Presidents essentially have no power but most still try to exert their influence over something before they step off. Lame has taken on a new meaning with Dubya. He’s already kicked his shoes off and kicked back in the recliner. From his own mouth:

“He hasn’t asked me to make the request yet and I don’t intend to make the request unless he specifically asks for it,”

He being Obama and it being the second half of the $350 billion payment of bailout money. Word? I have to ask you to do your job now? Has he done anything other than offer more material for Tina Fey in the last four months? He made his pitch for the revised version of the bailout plan and no one listened. That’s about it. Hell his approval rating is 22%! 22%!! Exactly 7 years ago it was at 90%; he fell harder than Whitney! I guess America did misunderestimate him.

Speaking of speaking out of your ass. If you didn’t catch his last press conference, it is a MUST see…or listen. I’ll give you the play by play of some highlights that illustrate just how much steam is coming out of his ears. Mostly he talked about his eight years in office, (which he called “fabulous” btw), running down the things he wanted to be remembered by. Remember that legacy thing I was talking about? Yeah, well here is G. Dub’s.

He admitted to making some mistakes while in office but preferred to call some things disappointments. Putting “Mission Accomplished” on that aircraft carrier in 2003…a “mistake.” Not finding weapons of mass destruction in Iraq…a “disappointment.” Translation: I’m disappointed that we had no reason to go to war and it was a mistake for me to say it was over 6 YEARS AGO!!!!!

He admitted to thinking long about how he handled Katrina but says he can’t see what he could have done differently. He also said that he wished that he would have pushed for Immigration reform rather than Social Security overhaul. Translation: I’m not going out of my way for poor Black people but I wish I would’ve done something about all these Mexicans instead of shitting old people.

He got a little heated when the subject really turned to the war. “The challenge of course is always complicated by the fact that people are willing to murder to stop the advance of freedom.” Then he followed that gem up with this dandy. “Rather than accepting a status quo… I decided to do something about it by sending 30,000 troops instead of withdrawing.” Do I even need to translate this one? Translation: I sent our troops where I knew people were willing to risk their own children’s lives for their way of life…And?

This is my favorite and most hated at the same time. “You know, it’s kind of like, ‘Why me? Oh, the burdens, you know. Why did the financial collapse have to happen on my watch?’ It’s just pathetic, isn’t it, self-pity? And I don’t believe that President-elect Obama will be full of self-pity.” Translation: I have no clue what the hell I’m talking about.

Nor do I, George. He didn’t mention much about President Obama (that’s the first time I’ve written that and it felt gooood!) other than he thought he was intelligent and engaging. I think that’s West Texas for “boy”. Alright, that might be harsh but still you know he can’t like being followed by a man who made history before he even took office. Seriously, what will Bush be remembered for? Creating words and war?

At the end of the day being President is a tough job, one that I certainly wouldn’t want. So, I say thank you former President Bush. Thank you for taking on such responsibility and thank you for being the saltiest man alive for the past 8 years. I leave you with what is perhaps my favorite of many Bush quotes.

“I’ll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office.”

– Washington DC, 12 May, 2008

Note: If you want to read what someone in that 22% has to say click here.

I.M. Haight

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National Day of Service

Please help someone do something positive today.  Peace & Love — The TruthMerchants

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Friday Poll - It’s your turn fellas…

Alright fellas — It’s time to put on your big boy pants and tell the truth.  Can you handle being with a woman who makes more money than you?  For scientific purposes, we ask the ladies not to vote — but as always EVERYONE please share your feelings/experiences on this topic in the comment section.

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I’ll Never Understand People - A Few Dears

People just continue to amaze me, so I had to share…

Dear Homeless Dude With The DVD Player,

I’m not sure that I have the words.

As I walked across the patio at the Coffee Bean on my way to the bank, I saw you sitting in a chair with your back to me.  I immediately thought, “this guy has the dirtiest hair I’ve ever seen”.  So you can imagine my surprise when I peered over your shoulder as I walked by and saw you watching a movie on your(?) portable DVD player!  Clearly we need to talk about this…

Also, how many of you have seen Seven Pounds?  Are you going to?  Will you tell us what you think about it?

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I’ve got my hand raised!

Yesterday, news broke that ANOTHER female teacher has been sleeping with a student.  Much like the others, this woman invited the boy over (sometimes while her husband wasn’t around — sometimes while he was) for “tutoring” and then proceeded to give him alcohol and then sleep with him.  Reports say this went on over 3oo times.  The boy is 16 now but this began when he was 13 while the teacher is 29 so this began while she was around 26.

Word?

Ok — let’s get some things straight right off the bat.  This teacher, again, like most of the others is a plain jane looking white woman.  Most men aren’t tripping over themselves when she walks by.  BUT compared to the old-ass teachers I had growing up?

She’s a playboy bunny.

Where did this new crop of morally loose, alcohol serving, sexual contact making group of female teachers come from???  It’s nearing an epidemic.  Also, this plays into the heart of an age-old double-standard, but I don’t think the female teachers should get into too much trouble if the boy was over……say…..15.  She shouldn’t be teaching anymore, but other than that….eh…..I can let it slide.  At 15 I knew what/if I wanted in that department (no pun intended) — or at least what I wanted to try (apparently I was just a generation too early).

If it had happened to me, I never would have claimed I was “taken advantage of” or anything of the sort.  In fact, neither does this kid.  He’s sitting by her side at the trial.  Hilariously enough, I guess he’s too young to have learned not to love them hoes!

Seriously though, from a cultural standpoint, you have to wonder what about our generation triggered this occurrence in such large numbers.  What changed environmentally?? More importantly though, does this have anything to do with the Feminization of Men — Or am I reaching on that one??

Hmmm…

Of course all most of this was written with tongue firmly planted in my teacher’s cheek.  But again, it does make you wonder — what happened??

–Preston

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