Do You REALLY Want To Hear It?

Did you really want to hear it?

Really??

I don’t think you do…

Historically, I’ve been the awful guy that “led” girls on. Although it never seemed like I led anyone on.

Scenario A:
Guy meets girl and likes what he sees. They hang out, talk on the phone regularly, and one day, the guy gets the infamous question, “So what are we doing?” Over the last little while, he could sense it coming, yet, he continues on because she shags like a minx. Actually, she doesn’t get on his nerves so comfort isn’t an issue. She even watches sports and knows the rules. Alas, the timing isn’t right so a halt is called to the proceedings. Much in the same way Hester had to don the Scarlet A, he now has a bronze “D” for “Dick.” Should he have said he wasn’t looking for a relationship upfront? Yes, something should have been said earlier. The gentleman is probably guilty of leading her on.

Scenario B:
Fast forward and now the guy with a bronze “D” catches up with an old friend who remembers his rolling stone ways. They reminisce and he finally gets the one he missed. The same events unfold as they do in scenario A only he’s grown a bit and maybe considers settling down. The non-committal force is strong with this one. Time passes and the uncertainty starts to bother the young lady. She asks, “So where is this going?” That question hits the gut like a bad Jagermeister shot. He doesn’t want to end things with her but she’s tired of his garbage.

There are other scenarios and they could go on forever. In scenario B, the “what are we doing” question was asked after the state of the union was given.  Full disclosure of intentions were given in the beginning.  Hell she knew about his rolling stone ways.

Sometimes a guy thinks, “I didn’t settle down before. Why did you think I was going to settle down now?” Well that’s not right because I guess you never really know who is going be the one. Sometimes, he just plays it by ear and sees if he can settle down. Until a guy gets to that point of commitment, there are just too many pretty women.

I made the decision to try the upfront thing and it got me to the exact same place…branded with the bronze D. At this point, I’d like to pose the question: What is it that women want to hear when a guy states his intentions upfront? If he says he is not looking for anything serious, then how can you get bent out of shape when he says as much when the question arises down the road?

Maybe that’s the problem: Non-serious relationships should only last a short time.

Guys I know get comfortable and just figure they’ll deal with the relationship question when it comes. Men never want to ruin what they perceive as a good thing. I’d make the hypothesis that women see possibilities when men invest time.

Nevertheless, if a woman really wants a guy and finds him not to be awful, does it really matter if he says he doesn’t want anything serious? I’ve been duped by the sly line, “I’m not looking for anything serious either.” Truthfully, that shocking discovery ranks right behind the day I found out the Jets and Giants play in the same stadium. All those years of hearing the sportscasters say the Giants at Giants Stadium and the Jets at the Meadowlands never clicked. Did I miss the Jets at Giants Stadium line? Did I miss the huge Giants sign at Jets games or something? As ashamed as I am of my naivete in regards to the Giants stadium snafu, I am more ashamed that I fell for the “her not wanting anything serious either” bit.

What comes after being upfront? Do you kick it up a notch and be a dick upfront? Do girls really pay attention to what guys say upfront or does that just make the challenge greater? Could someone offer some guidance?

Sincerely,

A Guy With Questions

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Ask A Guy - Advice For A Lady Pimp

We’re back with another Ask-A-Guy question and I’m happy about the change of pace the question presents. Check it out:

I am currently talking (just talking) to 5 guys. All of them are interested in me, I am really only interested in 2 of them. One of the guys I’m not so into wanted to be my boyfriend the second time we talked! It freaked me out, he had a “timeline” i.e. after we hand out 3 times we can be kissy in public, then after 6 times we will be bf/gf! The second guy quotes Dane Cook all the time and it annoys the crap out of me, and the third guy is 21 years old. I am 27 and don’t want to mess with the going out to the bars acting stupid all the time anymore.

1. Should I give all 5 of them a chance to take me out?

2. How do guys feel about a girl seeing more than one person at a time?

Lady Pimp

(Editor’s Note: I gave this reader the anonymous name “Lady Pimp”. She never referred to herself as such)

Well Lady Pimp,

Nice work! You’re out there looking good, doing your thing and getting attention because of it. Now, what to do with all this attention?!

Should you let all of them take you out a few times? Absolutely. There may be a side to one of them that wasn’t readily apparent at first. Spending a little time and listening to these guys will present a little more useful information. Maybe they have a passion or care deeply about something that you do as well. Ya know…don’t judge the book by the cover…and all that good stuff. Plus, we’re in a recession. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with 5 free meals/outings.

BUT

You should keep the fact that you’re surveying 5 guys at once to yourself. Don’t lie. Just say you are single, dating and enjoying meeting new people. We men have tricky egos. Some guys can handle the knowledge that you’re dating other men besides him with no problem. Others (most) would probably feel some kind of way about it. Maybe it would be a big deal to them, maybe it would be a small one — but it would be “a deal”. They would probably act a little different and if your goal is to get a real look at these guys — this is obviously counterproductive. Plus it’s disingenuous. Again, (most) guys act differently in a competition for your heart than they do once they have it.  If he thinks it’s a competition, you’re probably not going to get a genuine look at who he is.

Don’t string this along for too long, though. Giving 5 guys a tryout is one thing, but once it goes on for a while it becomes juggling. And 5 different guys are a lot of balls to keep in the air (he he he…sorry. I couldn’t resist). But seriously though, when you mess up while juggling you usually drop all of the objects — and one of those objects could be the guy you actually wanted…

I hope this was helpful. Now go forth bravely and pimp!

Peace, Love & Options Galore,

J (Pres)
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MJJ Rest In Peace

Mike, rest in peace. If my childhood had a soundtrack, MJ would no doubt be the featured artist. The only thing bigger than Michael Jackson in the 80s might have been the Cold War ending and I’m sure there were some communists who listened to Michael Jackson. It would be tough, even for the hardest thug, to not admit they were a fan. My cousin had the glove and I used to rock with a paper towel tube as a microphone. I even had Michael Jackson trading cards.

“Thriller” is the biggest album of all time and I’ve bought it on record, cassette, CD, and digital download. Aside from the huge hits “Thriller,” “Billie Jean,” and “Beat It,” “P.Y.T” is my favorite joint from that album. “The Lady in My Life” will be the song for my wedding that will never happen.

Even in the late 80s when N.W.A was hardening my musical tastes, I still did a little rocking to Mike. “Bad” came out in 1987, and “Dangerous” followed in 1991. As a side note, there is an ongoing debate between two of the Merchants. J contends “Off the Wall” is the best song off of the album of the same name while I contend “Rock with You” is the best joint.

C’mon J, this dude had on a the most glitter/sequins you’ve ever seen in that video!! And you still couldn’t help but groove to it a little…

I went to YouTube to check out some Jackson songs and “Rock with You” popped into mind. Marlon Brando is in the video. Yes, Don Vito Corleone was in the video!! That’s how big a star that guy was. But this article would be a mile long if I had to talk about how big a star he was.

I can’t even really write anything more. You would think I was one of those wild international fans you saw fainting in those old Mke tour videos. It’s not my place to assess the judgement calls he made; I can only speak to the music. It’s a shame he created so much good music and passed at a time when music is so awful. Chris Rock had a joke in his stand up that rang back to when people used to argue over who was better between Mike and Prince. He said Prince won — and as a musician — he did. Prince does have my second favorite soundtrack (”Purple Rain” is behind “Superfly).

But as an entertainer, it’s not even close. Mike was a beast.

That’s all the softness for now. Mike, rest in peace.

On a side note, I was going to post a YouTube video of “Rock My World,” but embedding has been disabled. The joint below is from “The Ed Sullivan” show. Enjoy.

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When Keeping It Metro Goes Wrong

I’ve often been harsh on the fellas about becoming a little bit too feminine. (Jay-Z recently co-signed my entire movement with his street single “DOA”. I have yet to thank him in person)

Yall boys jeans too tight. Ya colors too bright. Your voice to light…

I know we facin a recession, but the music yall makin gon make it the great depression
All your lack of aggression. Pull your skirt back down, grow a set, men!

But I’ve also been careful though, to temper my comments with moderation. I’m not a Neanderthal, nor do I think this is what men should be. In fact, I don’t think it’s what guys are doing so much as how far they’re taking it.

Like Jay references, it’s not that there’s anything wrong with jeans…but when you’re a grown ass man in tight Jeans…well this is where one of many problems begin. So I figured I’d breakdown a few little things that just need to be scaled back. I’m sure this will be 1 of a many part series…

Hands – I clip my fingernails like anyone else. If there’s an edge, I use the file on the clippers and smooth that bad boy out. When I was about 14 I was hanging out with a few females and one of them went on to talk about an occasion when a guy with the aforementioned sharp fingernail edges tried to get to 3rd base…

Yeah…exactly…

Cut your nails. File ‘em! Whatever…

BUT

Weekly manicures? Letting your fingers soak in whatever that stuff is that chicks use? Applying anything that has to be brushed on? Doing anything that requires you to blow on your nails when you’re finished? You’re going too far!

FACE – Obviously I wash my face (shout out to Neutrogena). Afterwards I use some retardedly expensive “face lotion”. It keeps my cheeks baby soft, homey!! That’s it! End of story. (although my girl swears she’s gonna give me an “exfoliation” – I don’t even know how one does that shit…)

BUT

If you’re using some sort of mask? Or if you’re putting any sort of fruit or vegetable over your eyes?! Someone should slap the shit out of you! You’re going too far!

MANSCAPING – I usually keep a bald head or a short haircut. Outside of that dude who plays Lex Luthor on Smallville, it’s one of few things black men still have over white guys: We can usually rock the bald head without a problem. I inherited extremely slow growing eyebrows, so I don’t ever have to do anything there. And I shave when my face hits 5 o’clock (shout out to goatees).

Just about every guy now knows that having your junk in a field of untamed bushes is a non-starter, so we hook that up with a trim as well. And the “sweater chest” always needs to be handled.

BUT

Shaving any type of pattern into the pubes?! A landing strip?! Or being completely bald everywhere south of your chin?! You’re doing too much!? And if you shave your legs, you should go kill yourself!!

Ladies what ridiculousness have you witnessed from the guys? Fellas what have you almost had to slap your friend for? Part 2 coming soon. Let’s get into it!

Peace, Love & Moderation

J (Pres)
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The Lighter Side Of Porn (SFW)

Ladies, maybe you watch a little porn by yourself (God bless you). Maybe you watch a little porn with your man. Maybe you don’t watch any porn at all (None? Really? It’s 2009, get in the game!)

Well even if you hate porn and see no use for it, I have one thing you’ll love. Porn Titles!

Why?

Because they are the funniest things known to mankind!

So sit back relax and let’s explore the lighter, hilarious side of our favorite movie genre. Oh and PLEASE add your favorite porn titles to the comments below. We know you’ve got a ton one!

First up, the straight-forward titles. These are the titles that don’t worry about being tactful; they just wanna tell you what you’re getting. No gimmicks, no puns, no slang, no jokes – but still all comedy.

Big Butt Brotha Luvas – Here, as you can imagine, are women who have a larger than average backside who happen to be a fan of black men. Clear as day… Kudos on the alliteration

Mr. Chews Asian Beaver – Again, very clear what you’re getting here. Straight to the point.

Bang Bus – Ladies and gentlemen enjoying coitus while on a moving bus or van. In other words – innovation

First Timers Part 4 – The 4th edition of a movie with nothing but girls going for it on camera for the first time. We salute you, brave souls.

Next up, the ethnic titles. Always hilarious – these are the titles that try to appeal to a certain group by being hip and using the slang or language they often use.

Phatty Rhymes & Dimes – Notice how the fat is spelled with the “ph”. I’d venture a guess that these movies also feature a terrible rapper you’ve never heard of in between scenes – which of course adds to the comedy

Mami Culo Grande – See how they said it in Spanish? Yeah, did you catch that…

Onion Booty – Because the booty is so nice it will make you cry. Lovely…

Next we have the intellectuals. The porn names that are a take on a famous novel or play. It’s the best of both worlds – mental and physical stimulation. I mean how can your mind not be stimulated by titles such as

A Midsummer Night’s Cream
A Tale of Two T*tties
Phallus in Wonderland
Will He Bonk Ya In The Chocolate Factory

It’s poetry. Really…

Last is one of my absolute favorites. The porn titles that riff off of TV shows and movies. This is where the true genius of pornography is really exemplified…

Grinding Nemo
Add Momma To The Train
Big Trouble In Little Vagina
Field Of Wet Dreams
How Stella Got Her Tube Packed
Forrest Hump
Men in Back
Romancing The Bone
Throbin Hood (Prince of Beaves)
The Empire Likes Crack
Young Buns

Classics and Oscar winners weren’t spared either:

Breakfast On Tiffany
Breast Side Story
Riding Miss Daisy
Sperms of Endearment
Chitty Chitty Gang Bang
Diddle-Her on the Roof
Lawrence Of A Labia

And neither was one of my favorite childhood cartoons:

Inspect Her Gadget

Sure, I like porn. But I LOVE originality and humor – and porn titles have them in spades. So even if you don’t watch the movies just know that if you ever need a good laugh you can peruse your nearest guy friend’s titles for a guaranteed pick-me-up.

No need to thank me. I do this because I care… Now meet me in the comments section!

Peace, Love & A New Copy Of Sperminator,

J (Pres)
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Why Men Cheat…

Well…  A few reasons, anyway.  No introduction needed.  Let’s get involved!

1. He was on his way out the door

It’s really one of the worst things guys do (women do it occasionally as well).  We want to break up with you but we convince ourselves that it would somehow be better to be an asshole or let the distance grow until YOU break up with US.

I’ve done it.

Almost everyone I know has done it at least once.  It’s really just a way of rationalizing cowardice.  So one of the things we may do while the divide grows between us is…another woman.  Best case, you don’t find out.  Worst case, you do what we wanted you to do.  An ugly truth…

2. She did what you wouldn’t

You know what?  For as much as I hear this threatened, I RARELY see it enacted.  Here’s why:

You know what kind of girl you’re gettin’ when you get her!

There are exceptions to every rule, but by-and-large when you’re courting the girl (read: doing all the stuff to get her to sleep with you) you know what kind of girl you’ll soon be…umm…getting into.  As a matter of fact, you probably had a good idea of that a short while after you met her.

Fellas, be honest here.  We all know if we’re getting the “Ewww, get that out of my face!” girl, the “Yeah, you can stick it in every hole…” girl or something in between.

Sure, we all know how women may do some things often in the first 90-120 days and then slowly certain acts taper off.  But a romantic gesture and some alcohol will usually get her right back in the saddle

Ya know…if saddles are what you’re into…

But I’ve never seen a woman do some things in the first 90 days and then just suddenly outright refuse to do them anymore.  So here’s my point: saying “I went and found someone to do what my girlfriend wouldn’t” doesn’t really hold up.  You either:

A) Knew how sexually experimental your girl was — and just looked past it because at the time you really wanted to date/sleep with her

B) Didn’t put forth the effort to get her back to doing those things.

Either way this excuse is a cop out — but then again — so is  reason #1

3. He was upset/angry with you

You REALLY pissed him off.  He REALLY wanted to hurt you back.  The long and short of it is you’re dating an asshole.  Revenge is a powerful motivator, but damn.  (unless, of course, he’s getting you back because you slept with someone else…).  Which leads me to:

4. He thinks you’re stepping out

Pretty self explanatory.  In far greater numbers than women — men don’t play the “victim” well.  If we’re sitting at home and think we’re getting cheated on — we’ll have to go f*ck someone…

JUST. IN. CASE.

Either that or stalk you to see if you really are cheating.  Neither of these represents a very good scenario…

We know it’s childish, but you have no idea how important it is for us to be able to say, “…oh yeah?  Well I f*cked Kim” once you confess to cheating.  It’s like that blanket Linus use to carry around everywhere.  We need it…

I know there are several more reasons.  Fellas, why did you cheat?  Ladies, if you’ve been cheated on, what “reason” did he give.  Let us know in the comments and we’ll do a part 2 soon.  Until then…

Peace, Love & Monogomous Bliss (that’s not an oxymoron, right?)

J (Pres)
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Who Is Derek Black

Well, I can tell you he’s not Black or African American. Sadly, he is a 20 year old kid with a vision to be the next leader of White Supremacy or I guess White Nationalism.

You say potato. I say what the f*ck ever.

I subscribe to “Details” magazine and they ran article titled, “The Great White Hope” with the byline “On the surface, Derek Black is just another baby-faced fan of Taylor Swift and Twilight but underneath lurks the next David Duke.” Needless to say I read the article.

Intriguing?

Yes.

I will admit that any kid who appears in an HBO documentary about hate at age 12 is certainly worth the read but definitely saddening at the same time. For David Duke to gush about being in his presence, it let’s you know that hate is and always will be apart of our society even when it seems like Obama’s election was sounding the alarms for change.

You probably wonder like I did how you could learn hate at such a young age. It’s easy…bad parenting. From the article, his father, Don Black, “is an ex-member of the White Youth Alliance and former national Grand Wizard of the KKK who worked on David Duke’s campaigns in Louisiana, and who today — with his son — runs the leading white nationalist website, Stormfront.org.

Now here comes the icing…

His mother, Chloe Black, is David Duke’s ex-wife! In a strange bit of irony, Chloe Black was employed by the Glades Academy which is a school for underprivileged minorities.

No, seriously…

She was working for Emilia Fanjul whose family apparently has the sugar game on lock. I couldn’t figure out if she still worked for the school so I did some digging. From the number in this article, it is her voicemail. Apparently, the irony in hiring women with a racist past to do PR work for a school for underprivileged minorities was lost on some people. Hopefully she is not using her pay to help her unemployed husband fund the hate site.

Speaking of the deadbeat, Don Black did time for, get this, trying to overthrow the government of Dominica! He wanted to replace the predominantly Black government with a White one. Here’s how the conversation would have gone if I were a lost White guy:

Don Black: I have an idea
Me: Shoot!
Don Black: I want to start an all-white nation.
Me: Sounds dreamy.
Don Black: There’s a catch. We have to overthrow a government.
Me: Really? That’s it. All we have to do is overthrow a government? Are you a fucking idiot? That idea blows ass.

I’ll take you seriously one moment then laugh at you when you leave. I’ve done that to people for less than coups. I can assure you.

Back to the kid though, he is a bit trife. On President O, “He’s a big marker.” He goes on to say, “I don’t expect in four years to be living in a wasteland of burning tires but for me Obama is one step away.”

Oh the story gets sweeter…

The kid was elected to a government position by a following composed of predominantly older Cuban men. He defeated a Cuban community activist. Seriously? I am not making this up. In a bit of justice news, they refused to seat him in the position because he did not sign the party oath pledging to avoid any conduct injurious to the party’s reputation. It just goes to show that you really need check your candidates’ backgrounds to make sure they aren’t racist, maniacal radicals.

This article was a lot to swallow and if you google their family, it’s absolutely mind blowing that there are people with their heads that far up their derrieres. I only wrote this little blurb as an informational piece because I found it so shocking. I didn’t go to the website because frankly it’s late and I don’t need to go to bed with that anger built up. Idiocy, I’ve found, is not a functioning sleep aid. Some of these folks need to pray to the White Jesus on their walls.

Hook (Hustleman)
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Best Hunting Grounds - Weddings

Last week I wrote a post for the ladies about where to find good men.  It was generally well received and I’m glad about that.  But fellas, what about the best places to get some action?  I mean all my readers aren’t looking to settle down right now, are they?  So here is part one in a new series called “Best Hunting Grounds“.  Put simply, instead of the best place to find a good man, it’s the best place for a good man to find some action…because sometimes…that’s really all we want.  Think of this as a public service announcement:

Fellas, if you’re single, don’t EVER bring a date to a wedding.  I’ve made this mistake before when I knew less about the world.  Who knows how much sex it could have cost me?   I’d almost forgotten that weddings are still one of the best hunting grounds known to man.  Let’s check out a few reasons why:

1. You’re dapper

If you’re in the wedding you’re rocking the tux.  If you’re just attending, you’ve got the stylish suit on.  Even if there is only lent in your pockets, you look like a million bucks.  Don’t ever half-ass this.  For the guys still in college, I feel you.  But you gotta work it out.  Sell some books back, or some plasma, but get the fresh cut and drop some money on a new suit.  It will be well worth it.  Weddings are also one of the best places for you to get your cougar badge as well.  I’m just saying…

2. It’s defining

A wedding isn’t the place to bring a guy you just met or are just getting into a relationship with.  They’re sort of a big deal.  This is immensely helpful because a woman without a date is either single, with a guy who was too new to bring (and therefore can be easily forgotten for a night) or has a guy who couldn’t or didn’t go (if she’s mad at him…all the better for you).  Occasionally the girl has a good guy who just couldn’t make it, but that’s the exception…not the rule.

3. Dead giveaways

She’s up to catch the bouquet, you’re probably good.  I know, I know…everyone who isn’t married gets up to catch it.  But watch how her girlfriends act.  There’s always a single friend(s) they’re making a larger than normal fuss over.  In fact, it’s one of the few times that…

4. Women will help you sleep with their friend

There’s the bride, a few of her friends who have boyfriends and then sweet little Vanessa whose asshole boyfriend dumped her a few weeks ago. All too often, (after a few drinks) they come to the conclusion that what sweet little Vanessa needs is some dick.

And there you are, dancing with the flower girl, looking like new money.  Her friends (who are no doubt experiencing a champagne induced elation) can’t wait to hook the two of you up.  It combines all of the things they love: Alcohol, match making, guys, wedding romance, alcohol, great stories and…alcohol.  (I mean have you seen women tipsy off champagne?  It’s one of the best things the french ever gave us).  Weddings are one of the few times that girls are equally fine with finding their friend a man, or a man for the evening.

And may God bless them for it…

5. She’s probably staying at a hotel

Do I even need to write anything more here?

So you’re looking sharp.  She’s already thinking about a “union” of some sort.  Her girlfriends are tipsy and looking to help.  There’s free food, music and booze and things often end back at a hotel.  All of these things combine to make Weddings one of the best hunting grounds known to man…

Peace, Love, And What We’ve Built Here, Let No Man Put Asunder,

J (Pres)
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The “Other Woman” Checklist

We compiled a few things guys often do to their chicks on the side.  If you have any doubts about your position in his life, grab your pencil and go through the list.  As always, you can send us an email if you have any other questions or if anything needs clarification.  So without further ado…

Let’s get into it!

Have you met any of his friends?
This one can be a little misleading. For a few years I lived with my best friends. We all rented a house. You had to go through the living room to get to the master bedroom, so you eventually met all of my friends and some of their friends by default. Let me be clear. THAT DOESN’T COUNT. What does count is when you get a call like, “Me, and a few friends are going here for the weekend” or “All of us are going out to dinner and I’d like you to come”. Inviting you to interact with the friends is good – you meeting them on your way in and out of his house… is not.

Are you giving it up on the reg, or whenever he asks?
And don’t lie to yourself and think things like, “well I was horny too, so it worked out”. Be honest when you answer this question. Does he always call you for sex? Do you always say yes? Is there any doubt as to whether you are his official girl? Tough questions but answering them will give you plenty of insight.

Do dates or gifts only precede attempts to get you naked?
Does every date end up back at your place or his? Then there’s a reason for every date. That sounded harsh, but it’s true. If you’re not my girl, but I know you’ll be my girl for the night after dinner and a movie…well then that makes things easy. I know that not every man is exactly the same, but here is something we can all do. Simple addition. If dinner + movie = commitment free sex – we’ll be doing our homework often.

Do you text more than you talk?
Tell tale. Another harsh reality and ladies I’m POSITIVE you experience this one as well. Sometimes you’re pretty, great in bed and BORING/ANNOYING on the phone. We don’t mind being seen with you and LOVE pulling your panties off with our teeth – if we could just install a mute button on you, you’d be perfect. So what’s the compromise? TEXTING! I’ll keep this real simple. I’ve never truly wanted to be with a girl, I didn’t want to talk to. Sure guys get tired of talking on the phone quicker than the ladies…but texting should always be less than the talking.

Do you always have to leave a missed call or voicemail for a call back (i.e. he never picks up when you call)?
He’s with another girl. Were you expecting more explanation here? Sorry… There is none.

Blockbuster nights or he cooks…
Anything to stay in. I’ve seen the cooking bit executed to perfection. The girl was thinking that it was sooooo romantic that he loved to cook for her. In actuality he just didn’t want to take her out. He was a chef at a restaurant downtown. As anyone in that profession will tell you – you become friends with the bartenders and waiters at your place and then you become friends with the bartenders, waiters and chefs at surrounding places. If you begin sleeping with one, you’re whole network soon finds out. This makes bringing new chicks to any restaurant in damn near your whole city a little tricky… So he cooked for his ladies on the side at home and they all LOVED it. It was pretty brilliant actually. Here’s the moral, ladies. If you aren’t seen with him, you’re probably not with him…

No title
Baby, things are great the way they are. Why do we have to go putting a title on it? One of my favorites. I used this one to DEATH…and I’m still astounded by the success rate. Here’s the dirty little secret. I used this on EVERY girl I knew I was NEVER going to get serious with but REALLY wanted to continue sleeping with. I’m sure that was just me though…

Peace, Love & A Delicious Home-cooked Meal,

J (Pres)
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Chivalry And Why I Don’t Open Your Car Door

People nowadays often ponder whether chivalry is still alive; whether it’s even necessary?

Our first date: I open the car door for you.

Coming out of Target together six months later? Probably not…

So the question was asked of me: Why did you do it in the first place? Why did you open that passenger-side car door for her to begin with? Because you were trying to score? Because mom and dad said it was the right thing to do?

Ironically enough it took me a while to realize the answer. It’s such a common and habitual gesture that I never really thought about the “why”.

So here’s my “why”.

It’s not so much that my mother told me to do it – it’s more because she told me it’s what “good men” do. I grew up watching many men reinforce that statement, the most important of them being my father. So that’s why the door is opened on first dates and beyond. Because I try to be a good man and if I’m interested in you, I’d like for you to see me as such.

You know what else Pops is big on? Team! It’s why he NEVER paid me for chores or babysitting my little sister. Sure he’d give me money when I asked for it – but he always made sure to keep the two separate. His philosophy is that we’re a family and everyone does their part. I’d get speeches like:

I work hard every day. When I come home I don’t expect you to thank me because there’s food in the refrigerator and all of the lights come on when you flip the switch. You know why? Because I’m Dad – that’s my part. Your mother works and comes home and cooks and makes a great home for you and your sister. Tonight I’m taking her out to show my appreciation. You’re going to stay here and watch your sister. That’s YOUR PART. When she goes to the grocery store to buy the food that your greedy ass eats the bulk of—yes you carry ALL OF THE BAGS. That’s YOUR PART. I don’t ask you to chip in on the electric bill or the food bill…I ask you to do your part. I’m not paying you for that!

And he wouldn’t…

Here’s my point: I’m probably not always going to think of you as my lady on a pedestal. There are times when I’m going to think of you as my teammate. My partner. My best friend. Because you are also all of those things. So when we’re coming out of Home Depot with some paint for your new apartment – we’re a team. When we’re grabbing some last minute groceries before we have people over – we’re a team. If we’re pushing one of those big ass carts out of Ikea for our new place – we’re a team. So I don’t go into the whole chivalrous gentleman thing at that time because I’m seeing you in a slightly different way at the moment.

But I’m still your man, and you’ll never lose your pedestal. You’ll always be wined (figure of speech, I know you don’t like it) and dined; vacationed, treated and pampered as often as I can provide it…and more. Because that’s my part…

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