Ask A Guy - If You’re Not Interested…Say So!

Q: Why can’t men just say how they really feel when they are not interested in a woman instead of beating around the bush?

Ahhhh yes — the infamous “string along”. I don’t know a guy who hasn’t been guilty of this — intentionally or unintentionally. Sometimes it’s the nice guy who’s foolishly thinking “I don’t want to hurt her feelings”. That’s usually the young/naive guy. To that guy I’d say: She’s a big girl. Tell her the truth. Besides, you’ll be amazed at how much ass honesty will get you anyway, young buck. Stringing a girl along — letting her think she’s one thing to you when she’s not will only lead to you or your tires getting cut. Both of those things suck. Man up, playboy.

But that’s not the case the majority of the time. Most times when a guy is stringing you along it’s not because he’s being naive — rather he’s calculating. You see, how “uninterested” we are in you is inversely related to how many other options we have…

It’s all very scientific…

Put simply, if we’re getting attention from a few different females, we’re very uninterested in you. However, if there aren’t any other attention-seekers, then we’re only mildly uninterested. Unfortunately, either way — you’re not the one. However, telling you flatly that we aren’t interested causes you to leave — most likely for good. But the string along ensures we can still call you on a horny day rainy day. If that sounds terrible, that’s because it is…

I’ve stayed with more than one girl because they were “cool”, great in bed, or there were no other women at the moment. The entire time I knew they would never be “the one”. I wouldn’t have been love-struck if they stayed long enough — I wouldn’t have been heartbroken if they left. In short, they weren’t a priority.

So, my advice is simple. Ladies if you feel like you aren’t being made a priority — bounce. Some things are universal with all men and this is one of them. When we like you–you are a priority–period. If you’re thinking, “he’ll make me a priority eventually”… you’re kidding yourself. And in the end you won’t be laughing…

(Note: Fellas you need to look out for this too. It’s 2009, the ladies have been pimperish…)

–Pres

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Ask A Guy - A Woman’s Work

Q:  Is it OK for a woman to do all the work?

A:  This is actually a pretty loaded question.  I assume we aren’t talking yard work here so I imagine that you must be referring to the pre-and post-courting ritual.  In today’s new world, more and more women are becoming the aggressor when it comes to relationships.  I, for one, am all for it.  But no one should have to do all the work.

I have to admit that when women have approached me in the past, my ego did a little two step.  When done right not only is it sexy, deep down men like having that approval first.  However, when done wrong you can come off desperate, needy, and clingy.

The big 3…

Tread carefully here because the line between the two is damn near invisible.  Traditionally males sink or swim in these waters as we learn the nuances of “the approach.”  Women don’t typically get a lot of practice approaching men so naturally I can understand the hesitation.  If it’s someone that you are really interested in, I say go for it.  Just don’t try any lines.  Be honest.

Do walk up and ask if you can buy him a drink.

Don’t walk up singing “You Can Have Whatever You Like.”

You get my drift…

Now after the approach is done is where things can get tricky.  There has to be give and take.  I do believe the man has to put in work to show the woman that she is special to him.  I still believe in some of the traditional practices of courting even though some believe it outdated.  If you want her, you have to show her.

Period.

Buuuuut…

It would be nice if she held the reins once in a while as well.  It would be great if you asked me out to dinner, already had the place picked, and blew my socks off that night literally and figuratively.

I’m just saying…

I don’t like Usher or that Trading Places song but it makes a good point.  That shit is awesome when a woman takes control.  To an extent.  You still have to let a man be a man.  You might not want to order for him or pull out his chair, but planning the evening and even picking him up is cool.  Actually more than cool.  Sexy!

In the end you have to gauge your man.  If you are dealing with Macho Man Randy Savage well then you just might have to play Elizabeth and shut the hell up.  If you are dealing with a reasonable man, then show him that he is special to you by being the aggressor at times.

Basically it boils down to this.  Do you want to see him?  Do you want to spend time with him?  Well then do something about it.  But if he doesn’t exceed your effort….well do you really need me to tell you what to do then?

I.M. Haight

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Ask A Guy - Reader Submission

Apologies for the absence, but now I’m back like I left somethin’!!!  While on our little hiatus we received some reader submissions asking for our take on a few things.  This is the first:

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I am single.  I don’t meet many men.  I am open to it though.  I don’t sleep around. I am good people, finances in order, not a troll, etc.  There was a guy I met almost two years ago.  He travels. All over the world.  He was nearby for a year.  He was married.  He said not happily.  I fell for him in a BIG way.  Just a typical player……..but my we had fun!  GREAT SEX! Laugh! Never have I laughed so much.

He went away.  Job ended.  Thought I would never see him again.  Ok with that.  I knew what I was getting into.  He came back!  Just for a while , but he came back.  Another wonderful TRYST!  He went away, email funnies etc continued , hey how are ya etc. His initiation.  Then he offered up the info he divorced after all.  He is NEVER going to be a one woman man.  Knew that from the start.  I went to see him on the job.   GREAT TIMES!!

Here is the question.  This man IS a definite player.  Many women, all over the world.  Yet he calls almost daily, emails alot, mostly funnies, and he is still a very entertaining man. But he says stuff like why don’t you move to where I live, I luvyalotz, which is not the same as I LOVE YOU, as we know.  And we talk about all of his conquests, which are mostly just convenient for him.  I am planning a trip again to meet up with him.  The sex is FANTASTIC, he makes me laugh, he has been with many women since I saw him 6 months ago.  WHY is HE getting scared? I love him in a way that is comfortable.  He is a friend true and true.  he stepped up and helped me with a family matter, so I KNOW he is GOOD people too. I plan to go and have a great time and then go back home.  He keeps saying you are really trying to collar me arn’t you, in the same sentence, I can’t wait to see you!

Does a player ever really fall in love?  Should I be concerned?  I KNOW he is not the man I would EVER marry or commit to, but yet it’s been two years and there is no one else so why not have fun while i can?  What exactly makes a player a player anyway?  A first girlfriend that broke your heart?  Your Mom? Sex with older women at a very young age? What?

What say you?

———

OK, so this reader submission had quite a few questions in it.  The Player questions we’ll deal with tomorrow.  Let’s dip into your dealings with this man.

First, the basics:

Don’t move!  Moving to be in a relationship is dicey.  Moving to be in THIS type of relationship is crazy.

Your exactly right.  If the word “love” is spelled with a “u” or used as an improper noun (i.e. - how are you, love?) it’s pretty much a given that it’s just an affectionate greeting.  Ladies, even when it is spelled with an “o”, don’t lose your head.  That “luvyalotz” stuff is just ear candy — sounds sweet, but no nutritional value.

I personally think you should keep doing what you’re doing - visit him when you can and let him do the same.  Continue to talk, laugh, swap emails and have great sex.  Sometimes distance can help cancel out some of the things that can drag down a typical “Friends With Benefits” situation.  You’re also being realistic (you know you’d never marry or have a future with this man).  So I say keep things exactly how they are.

A word of caution though: HE may fall for YOU.  Don’t believe it though.  It seems he’s already hinted at it when he said, “you are really trying to collar me aren’t you”.  Seems puzzling that he would say that, doesn’t it??  You are not trying to collar him — far from it infact.  You pose the question. “WHY is HE getting scared”.

Here’s the answer:

You aren’t like the rest.  I’m sure most if not all of the other ladies he has some sort of relationship with, want more than what he’s currently giving.  You don’t.  You’re cool to chill, laugh, sex, and go your separate ways.  Ironically enough, the fact that you DON’T want a relationship will probably make him think he DOES.  But this thought will be fleeting.  If a man walks into a party and 10 girls are immediately on his dick and the 11th girl pays him no mind — he’s gonna go talk to the 11th.

100% of the time

Who is she?  Why doesn’t she want me?

Right now…you’re the 11th girl.  Enjoy it, but remember if you fall for any of that relationship or “move near me” crap he’s pulling — you’ll soon be treated like the other 10.

–Preston

Tomorrow we’ll get into the whole, “what makes a player a player” thing.  And if anyone else has a question, feel free to email it to: askaguy@truthmerchants.com and we’ll give you the right answer our thoughts…

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Control The Swagger

What’s up world,

Crazy day today, so I couldn’t hit you with an official post BUT we’re gonna have a little fun anyway.  Holla back at me and you’ll choose the next Preston Swagger post.  Hit me with a comment on what you’d like me to post about, and it shall be done tomorrow…ANYTHING GOES.  It can be an “Ask A Guy” topic…it can be something personal (they’ll be limits on that shit though…lol) anything you’ve wanted me to get into and I haven’t yet is fair game.  Feel free to leave your comments anonymously if you wanna stay on the low.  I look forward to what our readers will come up with.

I’m also a little scared of what our reader will come up with…

Also check out the new DEAR YOU about when I ran into Suge Knight on Sunset…

Plus a whole lot of announcements coming tomorrow (it’s what’s got me so busy today)…

Peace & Love,

–Preston

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