I Think I’m Jealous Of Your Girlfriend

“You already know the next guy to fuck your woman!  You’ve met him!  He’s been in your house!  He’s ate your food!  He’s drank your wine!  And he shall betray you…” — Chris Rock

Tis a slippery slope dealing with your significant other’s “friends”.  Ladies, how closely do you inspect his “female friends”?  Do you want to know which ones are exes?  Which ones he’s bedded?

How about you fellas?  Wanna know where your girl’s “best buddy” came from?  The dude she confides in and trusts just happens to be a decent looking guy to boot – surely he’s hit, right??  Do you ask?  Do you care?  If she’s willing to volunteer the info, do you even want to know?

I have very few female friends.  My best female friend has been so for several years.  Have we ever slept together?

No.

Ever dated?

Nope.

Kissed?

Nah.

How did we meet?

I was banging friends with her roommate.  The roommate faded away but we remained best friends.  We get along great.  Both love sports.  And have absolutely divergent taste in men and women (my chicks are NOTHING like her – her guys are NOTHING like me).  So it works out wonderfully.  We’d never go there for those reasons alone…plus…the whole “hearing her former roommate moan through the wall” thing.

So that’s my friend T.  I love her to death.  She’s my second sister.  No girl I’ve dated has had a problem with her.  It’s more than obvious that on a scale of 1-100 her threat level is negative 17.

So now you’re saying, “OK J, that’s “T”…but what about the other girls”?  To which I’d say, “Slow down!  When did this become all about me”?!?

Here’s my point.  The reason I expect my girlfriend not to worry about my girl friends is the same reason I’m not going to worry about her guy friends.  That reason is:

I can’t control it.

And I don’t worry about things I can’t control.  I’ve got more than enough things that I can control to go and worry about.  If my girl is gonna cheat…she’s gonna cheat.  How much I pay the private investigator to follow her male friends won’t factor into the equation.  If she wants to do it…she’ll do it.  I’ve seen guys make a fuss over their girl’s male friends.  It hurts the situation more than it helps it 100% of the time.

I just do my job.

My job is to be caring and considerate.  My job is to keep you satisfied physically and emotionally.  Your job is to reciprocate and tap me on the shoulder if you feel like I’m lagging on those aforementioned job goals.

That’s it.

If you cheat…it doesn’t matter if it’s with a stranger or your life-long guy friend.

Either way…I’ll be quitting my job…

J

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Tweet this!

Why don’t men commit? Part 1…Women Cheat too.

That is the worst question I’ve ever heard in my life. You should have been given an idea of that in the “Monogamy vs. Bachelorhood” article. At 30, it seems I’ve only heard women say that their relationships ended badly because of the guy’s inability to commit or do what’s right to keep the relationship going. That’s just plain garbage.

Physical monogamy is just unnatural. It doesn’t really exist in the animal kingdom and even some species of birds (who I’ve always been told are monogamous) are only socially monogamous.

The male birds are raising some other pimp’s chicks.

It’s not impossible but it has to be a conscious decision.  I am not out chasing women. Let me rephrase. I am not chasing women based on what I call “skirt chasing”. I’ve just not had a girlfriend in awhile. That doesn’t mean I am hopping beds every night. I just don’t want to jump into a “relationship” like that just yet.

But I am tired of the non-committal indictments. Women cheat too. What’s worse is women never say they cheat because they wanted to cheat. They’re always pushed to cheating.  “My boyfriend does not pay attention to me”…or…”he is always out with his guys”.  “He doesn’t try anymore”.

So it’s o.k. to commit but cheat when you feel you are unfulfilled???

There are some concessions that can be made on both sides. Women you’re not always the victim. I’ve been cheated on once and was not really trusted in the very next instance.  After that my next ex didn’t really appreciate my efforts (that didn’t “drive” me to cheat on her though).  She and I have since resolved, but I digress.  What have I been since then? A devout member of the Clooney Church of Bachelors.

(Editor’s Note from P. Swagg: Let the church say Amen)

A female friend of mine gave up the tapes.  She said women fuck around too.  Some of her friends have had long time boyfriends or husbands and philandered. This is after I asked her what she thought about men avoiding commitment. I decided to google female infidelity and what do you know…I found a website called womensinfidelity.com.

WORD????

So you want me to commit so that you can go through the four stages?  Keep it.  Marriage as it stands today is a fairy tale, religious convention. I feel like someone watched the movie “Unfaithful” and thought, “I am glad she cheated on her husband”.

Women deserve to get theirs too.  Yes, you do.

And I am all for being that guy to give it to you!!

Nah……as much as I hate marriage, I would never disrespect it.  If people are going to try, I don’t want the karma of being the splackavellie.  God bless you if you wanna try.  But all guys are not bad.  It just depends on where you catch them in their life’s path.  And here’s the flip side that no one ever mentions.

It’s the same way with women…

Maybe our paths cross at the wrong time.  Who knows?

Most of my female friends get heartbroken when they sleep with a guy and the guy bounces out before settling down. I always think to myself you wouldn’t feel that way if you just treated it as an act. I guess men “feel” and think in physical terms; women “feel” and think emotionally.

This post ended up as more of a rant than anything else.  Hopefully my next post will be more formalized. Truthfully, I wish I had the DVD of “Waiting to Exhale” right now so I could piss on it. I am still bitter about being subjected to that garbage rather than seeing “Rumble in the Bronx.”

Until Part 2

T. Hustleman

Tweet this!

Ask A Guy - Why do men cheat on good women?

WARNING: All “Ask A Guy” questions are answered honestly without regard for feeling, political correctness, or backlash (as the title of the blog implies).  So don’t ask if you don’t wanna know.  So without further ado…

Q: Why do men cheat on good women?

A: Ok, let’s get a few things straight before we jump into this.  Not ALL men cheat (probably most).   And not ALL of you are good women (probably few).  But if you are a good woman and you have been cheated on, I’ll try to give some sort of explanation.

Now women…this will surprise and maybe hurt some of you…but a lot of times when guys cheat, it doesn’t have as much to do with you as you’d think.  Sure there are the typical scenarios where a girl doesn’t do something (usually physical—like give head or anal sex—or give head after anal sex…I know I know…I just wanted to make sure you were still paying attention) and the guy goes elsewhere to get it.  But I feel like that is not what spawned this question.  I’ll bet it’s something closer to this thought:

Hey, I’m a good girl.  I take care of my man in EVERY WAY.  Why did I get cheated on?!?

The answer?  Because Taco Bell will always be there…that’s why…

I should explain that…

You see a good girl…a TRULY good girl is like some bomb ass steak and lobster at a 5-star restaurant.  I mean that’s what you want!  That’s the best shit ever.  But they’ll always be those late nights when the restaurant is closed for maintenance, or out of town visiting her mother, or out late with the girls or whatever…and you just get a taste for some Taco Bell.  I mean it’s the fourth meal!!  The next thing you know, you’re knee deep in a grilled steak burrito fiesta platter…and you know what…the shit is terrible.  Terrible compared to the 5 star joint anyway.  And you usually get caught (the gas from the beans will give you away every time.  That or the Chlamydia you brought home).

You see a good man is a wise man.  And a wise man would KNOW how shitty that Taco Bell is compared to his good girl.  He wouldn’t have to go and taste it to remember.  Cheating in itself is a childish act.  Real men and women…mature men and women, would just tell you if they’re ready to move on.  Or they’d tell you right from the jump if they don’t want a relationship.  So you see, if you really were a good girl, then it was nothing you did or said…it was just that you chose an immature mate who couldn’t resist the bullshit nostalgia and the fake shine of something forbidden.  Keep doing ya thing though, there are still a lot of guys out there who’ll appreciate you…

*Note: Since this section is called “Ask A Guy”, the answers are obviously geared toward the women who inquired.  However, in this case the reverse is also very true.  There are some good dudes out there who get cheated on because there immature girlfriend couldn’t shake the spell of her last loser boyfriend or the drug dealer from her neighborhood she never got to fuck.  I’m just sayin…

Gotta question you’d like answered…ASK THE FELLAS

Tweet this!