Where Are Your Nuts - The Series (Part 2)

As I’ve mentioned before, guys are becoming effeminate at alarming degrees and speeds. I traced this issue’s origins and how widespread it has become.

Put simply: It’s a problem.

So I’ve decided to catalog the things that guys are doing that are really estrogen-laden.  This is Part 2 in that series.  Hopefully it can help these guys make changes one at a time and we can begin to conquer this problem slowly but surely. Worst case scenario I can say I did my part.

Today’s Offense: Extra Sexiness Online

[Update -- I almost forgot to mention that this post was inspired by the homey Mandii Nichole's cease and desist letter, written to extra sexy guys on the internet.]

The internet has become a prolific tool for meeting women and sleeping with them getting to know them.  As such, there is one thing that may prove more important than anything else.  One thing that may make or break the deal right from the very beginning.

Your picture.

Hey, I understand the importance.  You don’t get a second chance to make a first impression — and in the virtual world — your picture is most often your first impression.  So…

You put on your favorite shirt or take it off if you’ve got a six pack or whatever.  You try to get your bathroom lighting just right.  Some of yall fools throw on lip gloss or your fake diamond studs.  You get the camera you used grandma’s gift certificate (plus $100 of your own money) to buy — and you get your amateur photographer on.

But fellas can we tone it down some?  PLEASE?!  Take off the lip gloss!  And if you’ve been killin the gym — go ahead, show it off — but don’t pull your pants down to the absolute line between rated PG and R.  I even saw one dude turn his pants so that the zipper was by his leg.  It looked like the inverted version of a slit on a woman’s dress!!

C’mon man!!!

If you in anyway resemble Ginuwine from the “My Pony” video in your profile picture…..it’s time to do some soul searching!!  Put your tongue back in your mouth!  It’s still photography, you idiot.  No woman can tell how your tongue moves if the picture doesn’t move!!  And if you have an animated picture of yourself!!??!!

Fellas, you come off looking desperate — or like a male stripper.  Neither is really that dignified.  Your picture need only get your foot in the door.  Your mouth should take you the rest of the way…

But you don’t know anything about that do you, sexual chocolate??

–Pres

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The Feminization of Men - Part 1

It became noticeable when “Queer Eye For The Straight Guy” hit its peak.  Men are and always will be susceptible to two things:  Women and Fads.

The “women” part was common knowledge.  But fads are a bit more interesting though.  This is especially true of fads that take guys out of their comfort zone.  You have to coax a guy into that place.

For example:

Remember when “loofahs” first came out?!  That spongy, kinda brillo pad type thing on a string (don’t front like you don’t know what I’m talking about).  Well do you remember when guys slowly began to use them?

After the Ironhead Hayward commercial!!  (5 cool points if you know what I’m talking about)!

I’ll explain: So the loofah comes out and guys aren’t touching it with a 10-foot pole.  So someone has the great idea to get Denver Broncos star, Craig “Ironhead” Hayward to do a commercial for it.  Moreover the commercial basically just consisted of Ironhead showing you how much more “lather” you can get with the loofah over the standard wash cloth and then him yelling and mocking the guys who thought the thing was too girly.

Fucking.

Brilliant.

So this guy’s guy reassures us.  Tells us it’s ok to use this thing.  So we do.  He’s our excuse.  I watch Ironhead run over fools on a football field every Sunday!!  If he’s cool with the loufah…I’m cool too.

Queer Eye did the same thing, but in a different fashion.  These guys would take a guy with a girlfriend or wife (that was ESSENTIAL, he HAD to have a girlfriend or wife) and shave him, fix up his crib, buy him a gang of new clothes and then go, “See…now isn’t this better”??  To which most guys would probably answer:

No!

Bitch!

But that wasn’t the entire scenario.  The full picture was these guys going, “See…now isn’t this better”??  While his girl was standing right there!!  She’s  grinning from ear to ear because sex no longer involves a mouthful of chest hair and he just nods and is like, “yeah. I guess this is better”.  And then they’d broadcast that shit into millions of homes across the country.  And the Ironhead theorem would slowly kick in.  Every week more men would fall victim as their girl would turn to them and say shit like,

“it’s not that bad”

“if that guy did it, so can you”,

“he was a Giants fan just like you, and now he looks great in skinny jeans”.

These same men would rationalize to their male friends after they’d given in.

“Yo, dog…exfoliating is kinda cool”.

“Pimps get manicures all the time”.

“Chicks love the way this new milk of magnesia, aloe vera, cocoa body butter smells”!!

But little did women know that these new products and body care regiments would seep into far more than the guy’s skin.  It ended up permeating millions of guy’s very being and leading to the epidemic of bitchassness that is RAMPANT today.

I’m looking at you Day 26!!

In part 2 we discuss how bad things are today and how rappers have even become plagued by this phenomena as well. (IT’S STILL TRICKIN EVEN IF YOU HAVE IT!!!!  YOU PUNK ASS!!)

Until tomorrow,

P. Swagg
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Shouts to Blogxilla who covers this subject often and joins me in the fight against it.  His post “Men are the New Women” reminds us of how bad shit is…

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